Modern-day Jerks

READERS DISCRETION:
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF ACTING JERK-LIKE, OR BEING THE JERK ITSELF, BE WARNED.
ALSO, IF YOU'RE NAME IS JON PONG, DON'T READ THIS EITHER. YOU ARE WARNED TOO.

Jerk, originated from the chinese word (zhe) which means 'this'.

As an Englishman walked down chinatown and heard someone say the chinese word while pointing to another man, who had short hair, a XXXL size shirt, and looked like the son of a aardvark. Thus, thinking that the chinese word was cool, he invented the word 'jerk' from 'zhe'.

Modern day historians confirm that the Jerk, whom the chineseman was referring to, was none other than Jon Pong.

The Mathematical Equation which calculates the Jerk is as such:
(Jerk) = A cos[(t)] + C.

Upon questioning Jon Pong about this jerk-like behaviour, he says,

"No?! Hey don't be stupid lah you chicken wing."

Princess Leia was unavailable for comment.

A study conducted by the Institute of Jerkiness, shows that most jerks deny being a jerk.

However, there is also another illness called the Pseudo-Jerk Syndrome.

People which have symptoms of wishing they were gays, or tries being a jerk have this chronic disease.

Lucky for non-jerks, this diesase cannot be caught very easily.

All you need is a Stalker's Talisman, which can be found at your nearest 7-11.

While stocks last.

Also, a little bit of ass-stuffing ninjitsu lessons would be good for warding away the Jerk spirits.

However, the jerks need advancement.

Ever since the evolution of man, the Jerks have been evolving too.

Until the year 1819, when Sir Stanford Raffles was not a stupid statue.

Sir Stanford Raffles was sitting at his veranda, drinking saltwater from a coconut, when he saw a bright light.

"By golly! My f****** lord! Is that a spaceship?"

The flying UFO landed, and out came a figure.

Unfortunately, it was not Clark Kent, for it was Singapore, not Smallville.

It was one, who identified imself as the Jerk v. 2.1 BETA.

Till today, this Jerk is stil roaming around our world.

Researchers link this Jerk to other names, such as 'Mango Pongding'.

However, there is still insufficent evidence to prove this.

*Phew...

Other symptoms of Jerkiness are as such:

-Eating chicken rice.

-Eating Chicken rice out of fish tanks.

-Watching people eat catfood on Youtube.

-Then attempting to eat the catfood while filming themselves to post on Youtube.

-Loving classical music, but tries to play Mozart on the Electric Guitar.

-Likes to use food items as swear words eg. chicken rice, chicken wing etc.

-Enjoys watching hot gals at the beach suntanning.

-But later realises that he can't do the same or his fats will cook into lard.

-Lastly, admitting, he is not a jerk, though he/she is obviously one.

Retro-Jerks are jerks that try to be cool. They include the Scissor Sisters.

They try to wear freaky stuff like big sunglasses in pitch dark.

Some Retro-Jerks ever cut off their balls just to retain a high-pitched gay voice.

As you can see, the first milkshake was invented by a Retro-Jerk.

The two men, who wishes to remain anonymous, say that they created the first milkshake by closing their eyes and sucking on each other's hoses.

The pure end-product would be frozen and tested, before adding sugar.

After that, they would shake the substance until it becomes very white and frothy.

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So, Liane, how did'ya like that?

Boy, my fingers ache...